Demolition Derby...where's the Fonz when you need him?

Christ, if Thanksgiving’s any indication Christmas is going to be a bitch. Quell surprise, n’est pas?

It’s not even so much “Thanksgiving”; it’s the damn fall fair in town. Seven days of horse shows, concerts, demolition derbies, monster trucks, tractor pulls, mid-way rides and all the junk you can eat. I volunteer for the horse show, have for the past 5 years and working the hunter/jumper show that's part of the fair was fine, great in fact. I work the in-gate and it keeps me very busy, basically I make sure competitors get into the ring in some semblance of order and let the judge know who’s about to jump the course. It sounds way easier than it is, it’s herding cats but the cats weight 1200 pounds and may or may not be ridden by a diva and may or may not be accompanied by a horse show Mom or coach who eat “Dance Moms” for breakfast.

Anyhow, volunteering at the fair keeps me too busy to dwell and was something I always did totally unrelated to HIM.

The Wednesday night demolition derby is a different story. HE’d get off work early and we’d go together. Picnic in the stands with foot long corn dogs, ribs and mini donuts. I made the mistake of staying at the fair that night with the intention of watching it this year. I lasted about 5 minutes then left. Mostly it was HE wasn’t there with me, but also, having your husband die in a violent car accident isn’t indicative of enjoying people intentionally crash cars into each other. A smarter person probably would have thought of this beforehand...not me.

I used to love demolition derbies; I guess that’s over too.

We’d also pop over to the fair randomly when I had time off work, it’s within walking distance of our house, so we’d go on some rides, wander around, watch whatever other horse show was happening, eat junk.

I did go back last night with a friend, it was fun, we wandered around, ate junk, but hearing the noise of the tractor pull going on tonight just made me really emotional.

(A tractor pull made me emotional…Jesus Christ I’m really losing it.)

So October’s just going to be a bad month. I’m also staring down the throat of our 17^th wedding anniversary at the end of this month. Then I get a month “off” before December, but who are we kidding, a few stores already have started putting Christmas stuff out. Who the hell makes these descisions at Wal Mart anyhow?!?!?

Tomorrow I’m doing dinner with friends, before that, riding at the barn; it’s also the last day of fair so hopefully I’ll be a bit brighter once it packs up.

BTW I was PMSing last week, but I don’t think that has anything to do with how I’m feeling now and I’m still pretty irate about everything I was bitching about last week.

Oh fuck, and I gotta mention this: Both mornings of the hunter/jumper show I went to Tim Horton’s to pick up coffees (at 7:30 in the morning) and guess who was there, yep, Craig with a K. Thing is, seeing him there felt legit, we just both happened to be at the nearest Timmies to our homes getting coffees at the same time, which made his work walk bys feel all the more creepy. I gave him a non-enthusiastic “’morning” and kept going.

That seems to be my new mantra, just “keep going”. At some point I hope I’ll figure out where.