Friendship, A Rant

This whole experience continues to separate the wheat from the chafe as far as friends are concerned. Most of its wheat, but some chafe has come from some unexpected places.

One friend I’ve known longer than P has managed to be put on the “not” list.

We met though our involvement of horses, became friends and hung out.

Over the last few years I had begun to notice that the 2 of us getting together generally circulated around her needing to vent or talk about a problem she was having. Whenever I tried to plan something it never really worked out, but if she had something big or upsetting going on we’d get together. This would have been fine and what friendships are for, if being a supportive friend was reciprocated on her part. It’s not that she didn’t care to hear about my life or any problems, it’s just that hers where more important, always.

After I realized this I stopped investing a lot in our friendship.

After HE died she sent her husband over with some food (she was on a business trip), she attended the funeral, and sent me a brief FB PM afterwards asking how I was, that we should get together, and was there anything I needed. I replied with generalities and a request to borrow a series of DVDs she had.

I heard nothing back.

That was over 5 weeks ago. I know from FB she hasn’t fallen off the face of the earth or met with some disaster, I also know that her high-pressure job keeps her insanely busy, but still….

So the other day I PMed her to ask if she wanted a few things back that she had lent us, part of the purge. The reply I got said yes, that we should get together and how was I doing?

…You want to know how I’m doing? Maybe try phoning me to find out?! Novel idea I know. And it’s not even the casual FB question that pisses me off, it’s that if you really care why did I have to contact you for you to ask?

I can’t exactly remember what I replied back, it was along the lines of dropping the stuff off because, frankly, if you want to know how I’m doing, seriously, pick up the fucking phone.

And she did. I got home from work Friday night and there was a phone message from her asking if I was free Saturday so we could hang out. It was late so I phoned Saturday morning, left a message. I still haven’t heard back from her.

Either care, or fuck off!

I don’t need this kind of inconsistency, aka bullshit, in my life.

Then there’s the women who was raised wrong and is passing the trait onto her kids.

We’ve also know the family longer than P, and met because we were all involved in the same horse sport. One of her sons helped HIM get ready for each competition, groomed his horse, helped him on the field etc.

During the funeral the son asked if he could have specific clothing that HE wore during competition as son was now competing himself. I thought that was a really nice idea, HE would have liked that. So I sent the cloths off to them.

A few weeks later it occurred to me that I hadn’t hear anything from them as to whether they received the package so I phoned. Yes, they had received the package… Ummmm…

Ok, I was just phoning to make sure since I hadn’t heard from you or son. Yep, we got it, I thought it would be too big but it fits ok since he’s so tall. Ok, well that’s good, like I said, I just wanted to phone to make sure you got it since I hadn’t heard from any of you about it. No, no, we got it.

Raise your hand if you know what I’m fishing for and what’s missing from this conversation.

Yep, that’s right, a Thank You.

After going around 3 or 4 times I did get a brief thank you and the excuse that she wasn’t sure if they had our phone number…yes, I’m sure it just up and disappeared on you. (Never mind we have about 10 friends in common that could supply a phone number, never mind the phone book, Face Book, and e-mail). So I just gifted something of my dead husband’s to a family that can’t even think to thank me without a lot of prodding….In retrospect I would have rather burned the clothing than give it to such graceless fuckwits.

Both of the above is the kind of weird bullshit us widows don’t need. We have enough to deal with and having other people create more is just not appreciated.

Rant Over!

I guess it’s for the best, maybe if my list of friends shortens I’ll be able to tackle sending out Christmas cards for the first time ever.

And for every fuckwit I’ve got others that are wonderful, both near and far.

D, CH and R came over today and helped me switch beds and re-organize bedrooms. No small feat since one of them is forged steel and even ‘tho it comes apart in 3 pieces those pieces are heavy.
I tried to keep franticly busy and not think too hard about what I was doing.

Afterwards CH and I hit a fabric store in another of my misdirected ideas that making my own curtains is cheaper than buying them…yeah, it never works out that way. I could have picked something up cheaper at IKEA but oh no, I have to be creative and different!

…sigh….

Speaking of IKEA, remember my nice IKEA bedside lamp purchase? Yeah, well it looks like it might need a specific IKEA fucking light bulb?!?!?!...which I did not purchase.

I mean how was I to know? There were bins of light bulbs in the lighting section but nowhere in the store or on the lamps did it say “BUY YOUR LIGHT BULBS HERE OR YOU’RE SCREWED”. The nearest IKEA’s an hour away, 2 hours round-trip, and will cost me $30 in gas… for a lamp that cost me $9.99.

I really hope I’m wrong about this, whoever answer’s the IKEA customer help line better hope I’m wrong about this.
Anyways, I'm sleeping in my new bedside lamp-less bedroom tonight. I don't expect to sleep like a baby or anything, but I'm hoping it'll help.