Collateral Damage

So I’ve managed to trash 2 rooms in our house, actually, 3, and the others don’t look much better.

Add re-organizing to the list of things I’m doing all wrong.

A smarter widow would have gone one room at a time. Not me!

My dinning room (that we only ever used for actual dinning when my parents visited) is a mess of boxes, some full of books, others waiting to be filled.

Our bedroom looks good but I still don’t have the guts to go through our closet nor the boxes under out bed. I know there are some wedding and other mementos under there.

I’ve mentioned the Basement of Doom; the other big scary room is our spare room. I keep my sewing supplies/fabric there, our leatherworking supplies and HE used it for making and fletching arrows…. and also for storing 4 garbage bags (so far) of random crap.

HE was very good at hiding the random crap. So good in fact that when we reorganized that room last winter and I purge a lot of stuff I didn’t notice that HE did not. So it’s a mess with piles of stuff, despite the fact that the crap is already outside in garbage bags. HE does have useful stuff there, at some point I will need nails and screws, (and god knows what size/type so I might as well keep them all), glues of different types, I do need fletching gear for my own arrows, I found more leatherworking tools he had tucked away and there’s other stuff that I’m worried that if I do throw it away I’ll need it a week later.

(Which is exactly what HE was probably thinking 4 garbage bags ago).

 Between the horses and our various tool-heavy hobbies HE used to joke that it would be much easier if we both just got into origami. No shit.

The guest bedroom has become collateral damage due to the cleaning out of other rooms and needing to put stuff out of the way while I reorganize.

Basically, other than the bathroom, upstairs is a disaster.

Downstairs the dinning room is as mentioned, the living rooms not too bad but all the half empty bookcases are depressing, as is his recliner. The kitchen’s ok, but I’ve always hated our kitchen, not enough counter space and who the fuck stuccos kitchen walls?!?!?!

Frankly there’s a pretty good correlation between what state our house is in and what state my mind is in.

I’m purging a lot of my own stuff too, I’m hanging on to things that mean something, either to me or us, or are useful but the rest is just clutter and no longer hold any value to me.  

There’s other stuff I need to be dealing with too. I need to send the insurance company the keys to our old vehicle, write thank you notes, post adds on kijiji for various stuff, phone HIS family more often, start organizing HIS things that I’m giving to friends and family, catalogue HIS blacksmithing tools that I’ll be selling, the list just goes on and on.

Never mind normal life things, going to work, getting back on track at the gym, dishes, laundry, house cleaning...snort…oh yeah, that’s what got me into this mess in the first place…Ugh!

I used to love the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, until Kelly Clarkson sang a song about it that gets played endlessly. I can’t stand the song but I know how true it is.